Ugliness

Before writing another blog post, I was watching the movie called: "The break-up" starring Vince Vaughn Jennifer Aniston (one of my favorite stars btw). These past few days I am into movie marathon all by myself, I will stay up during wee hours of the night. I kind of like watching different romance/comedy/drama/action movies. Just to get the hung-ups of not being employed yet. This movie I was watching just randomly appear on my download list , I am not particularly going through the same situation.

Anyway to get related to my title post, I suddenly found myself cutting my long hair, trying to get rid of the rough ends I got when I tried that stupid and cheap-type rebonding thing. As I was staring on my face on the mirror, a thought came across my mind when someone told me that ugliness, that severe acne problem, that undiscoverable (don't really know if such word exists) talent, that intelligence quotient are totally synced with genetics. And then I started google-ing about ugliness and genetics. Unfortunately, genetics has a great influence on who we are and what we look right now.

Genetics really made me insecure about myself. I wanted to have that clear, spotless and smooth skin - unfortunately I got totally opposite of it. I wanted to have a perfect set of teeth but I have to wear braces in order to have it. I wanted to be creative like - know how to draw, paint, decorate, dance, sing, play any musical instrument. I wanted to be one of those kids whom parents will be proud because of the medals and trophies I got for being the most intelligent in class, in the batch or better in school. But sadly I don't have any of that and I am not topnotcher in class.

I was desperate to join those people who feels and says "I'm ugly" forum along with my membership on acne.org. You know, these kind of forums is handy whenever you feel like you need someone who will understand you, someone who can relate because she's/he's there or she's/he's been there and someone whom you don't even know yet makes you smile and feel good about life because they say and makes you feel you're not alone. Because some people are really talking crap when you tell them you're feeling ugly, you hate yourself because you're just plain ugly, you will gladly scratch your face with sand paper if it will help erase those acne scars. They will say "I understand you", "I don't think you're ugly", and the most crap of all is this: "your skin is fine to me" when the fact is they're not into that situation and never experienced it. Not that I am not thankful to them but it's still better to share with someone who have/had that situation. Literally, it's about mutual feelings.

After a little long quiet moments, I came to realize.. Genetics may have its share on what I am right now. I may have been bullied because of what I look then and now but I simply have no right to feel so low, so sad, so disappointed about it because genetics simply means my parents. They mold me into what I am right now. I owe my life to them -- beautiful or ugly, bombshell or overweight, intelligent or not so intelligent, talented or not. They gave me shelter, food and clothes. Provided me things I NEED and WANT. I never and will never ever blame my parents just because I am not that girl who HAS IT ALL. Sure I questioned and cried to God why did/does let me get through with these problems but his answers became clearer as I get to know myself more -- the shortcomings I have is also my gain. Oh yes, you could raise your eyebrows and whisper how come? now. My gain because I presumed some of those people who has it all can be really so unimpressive when it comes to their attitude, something is lacking in them. I know that because there are many true stories of it. Me, on the other hand, doesn't have it all but I have a happy family and friends who loves me and I have the big heart who can love someone in a way that no one else will. I have the intelligence and creativity that I could express differently, but, of course, that's for those people who can see beauty beyond.

I know I sound so like of those people who are really ugly (which I will never deny): Who will say: that beauty is in the eye of beholder; that beauty is skin deep; that beauty is more than meets the eye. You can put a sign on me that says CERTIFIED UGLY right now, but for me, there is one truth above all: Beauty is all that until it diminishes as you age but a beautiful heart is timeless. You don't need to try hard to retain it, you don't need plastic surgery, implants, braces, botox, beauty creams, make-ups to enhance. You don't need to be Jimmy Neutron, to be Picasso, to be Beethoven, to be Whitney Houston, to be a member of a champion team on UK's best dance crew, it just comes out naturally. I maybe ugly but at least I get to experience the ups and downs, the bitter and sweet and the love and hate about life.

My moral lesson in this moments of pondering: Sometimes simplicity works best. Simplicity here doesn't mean plain looking, not exciting, boring, and lifeless. but rather it means not having everything you wanted. That what you have is the only thing that makes you -- YOU, a person who is better than the other or could be the best of all. A person who doesn't have all but feels like "I couldn't ask for more in my life" rather than a person who has it all but still feel something is missing in their life.